I'm in the "I only had time to shave one armpit in the shower" phase of motherhood.— Burnt Sienna (@virgoSienna) May 10, 2017
90% of marriage is just one person asking the other if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 17, 2017
7yo: Daddy, I love you too!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 16, 2017
Me: Aw, I love you too!
7yo: No, I said "I love YouTube"
Me: His poop looks better!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 17, 2017
If I put something in a special place for safe keeping, it may as well have been sucked into an alternate universe.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 18, 2017
For those considering having multiple kids back-to-back, my husband & I are "Katy Perry cancels concert due to exhaustion" tired.— Cari (@cariastark) May 13, 2017
PEDIATRICIAN: What activities do you like?— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 17, 2017
P: But how do you get moving?
ME: Shhh, sweetie, that's "code word" information.
Me: *playing with fidget spinner*— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 17, 2017
I don't get it. This is dumb.
[2 hrs later]
Me: *still playing with fidget spinner*
The good news is I now have enough Bed Bath and Beyond coupons to send my kids to college— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) May 2, 2017
Some people jump out of planes for a rush. I open candy right in front of my kids.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) May 11, 2017